Ellen Borggreve Design

Homesick

I wonder if you can actually feel homesick when you are sitting inside your home. Still, I don't know how to describe my mood better than to call it homesickness. With my dad still in hospital and all kinds of medical appointments, I am starting to really long for that time a few months ago, when I was feeling really me. I was just so full of energy and I think that for the first time in my life I really felt quite happy being me. These days the worries and anxieties have swapped places with happiness and joy and I sometimes wonder where I have disappeared to. It feels like I am on auto-pilot, but the real me has left the building. If you find the real me, kindly send her back to me, I would really like to have her back.

It is not just me that I feel homesick for, I feel homesick for that place on earth where I feel better than anywhere else. The plan was that we would go there this Sunday, but I would be worried sick if I was there and dad was here. Can you be homesick for a place that is not your home in the abstract sense of the word? I remember when I was a little girl, I was incredibly homesick whenever I was on vacation and it was much worse when I was on some kind of school trip. All I wanted was to go home, anywhere else in the world felt very unsafe to me. For years and years I have put off going on vacation. I felt like I was better off staying here, where I knew what to expect. And then in 2010 we went to the Alsace for the first time. It was our first holiday in many, many years. When we got there, a strange thing happened....I felt right at home. I felt more at home there than I was feeling in my actual home. I felt more me. Every time we went back there, I would breathe a sigh of relief when we passed Strassbourg...." I am right where I belong". 

The place I belong now is with my family. There is a time and place for everything. Home is where your heart is and my heart is with my dad, my mum and my sister now. It would not feel like a good place to be right at this moment, but I sure miss it. That little area in France where I feel like a better version of myself and where I wish I would never have to leave.....

And then there is the home I drive back to every evening. I find my husband there, patiently putting up with all my anxieties, doing all the stuff in the house that I don't have time for and playing me DVD's with comedies on them to take my mind off things. I also find Kayla there, that little bundle of mischief who never lets a day go by without having made me laugh out loud. Maybe home is not a place at all, maybe it is just the strings attached to your heart going to those you love, your passions and your authentic self. My authentic self might be lost in the woods a bit, when she gets back, I will probably feel less homesick....

The Alsace will wait for me to return and I will once again feel like I am home again 

Missed this little missy?

Many of the wonderful messages I get usually contain a question about Kayla; if she is alright, because she has not appeared here in such a long time... Soooo, I thought it was about time I took new pictures of the little missy. Yes, she is alright, she is still very much a puppy, very playful and incredibly courageous. I don't know where she gets that from.... She can't have picked that up from me, that would be impossible. I am very easily scared, she is completely unimpressed by most things she encounters.

I know you might not agree, but I think she is the most wonderful dog in the universe. She is such a funny and kind-hearted girl with loads of personality.

She is a huge fan of chicken chewing bones. The tricks she does to get hold of one of those are endless. She is a tiny bit disgruntled by the fact I have not ordered her new ones in time, so she does not have any until the new ones arrive. Big disappointment for her....

She has the habit of slapping anything that moves over the head with her paw. A few weeks ago she did this to a toad, which then jumped over the threshold, into my hallway....Eek....I have a huge problem with toads or amphibians in general. I don't like them, to put it mildly. I shut myself into the living room whilst calling my husband saying he needed to get rid of that thing asap. A few days ago she slapped a small mole over the head when he stuck his head out of the ground. That was enough for the mole to be less than happy and he apparently bit her as she had a wound in her lower lip when we got home. She was not put off by it though and stuck her head into another molehill today....I wonder when she will ever learn....

It's all Yang's fault....

Yes, Yang is to blame....He changed my mind, you see...

Who is Yang, I can almost hear you asking? Well, he is a custom ordered red panda I just finished for a lovely lady. I worked for hours and hours on his face and all of a sudden heard that little voice inside of me asking why in the world I ever stopped making my animals? 

For years and years I really did not feel like ever doing a koala, red panda, raccoon or penguin ever again, but the almost meditative work on Yang changed something inside. Maybe something had shifted already and I had not even noticed it. I was thinking about this yesterday evening and decided that I would know what to do when I would wake up. This morning I opened my mailbox and think I got the sign that I was looking for..... I will be making animals again and it is all Yang's fault :)

Have a wonderful weekend!

A Cute Panda Called Tigg

Tigg had a little make-over in my studio this week, nothing major, don't worry....I just added a bit of depth to him and took new pictures, which was definitely needed to show him off to his full potential

Here he is....the all new Tigg, a panda made of alpaca in caramel and natural brown colours

Tigg is 31,5 cm and has upper and lower eyelids and needle-sculpted paws

Oh, that cute face....I have said it before....I love making pandas...

Tigg has found a new home, thank you :)

 

Aurelio

I have spent my day waiting for news from the hospital and decided to finish a bear whilst waiting. I am feeling numb after the last 2 weeks' happenings with my dad. It has been one blow after another and the latest one dates back to yesterday evening. Last Sunday the situation was very critical as well, so I have not been able to work much at all lately. My heartfelt apologies to all of you waiting for new bears.

Here's Aurelio, a bear with a double neck joint, trapunto paws

His colour is a yellowish golden colour. 

Aurelio found a new home :)

This bear was made of mohair in two colours and long pile miniature bear velvet for the paws and the inside ears. 

 

Guilty and Girly

Oomph, I am struggling with feelings of enormous guilt for running behind on my work so much and also guilt for not doing more for my family. It is difficult to not being able to give both things the full 100%. I always want to give everything my best, my very best....It's what perfectionists like me strive for, don't they? It is hard for me to admit that I can't do everything perfectly and full time. I feel torn at times like these.

I need to keep working though. It is not just that I would not have an income if I would not, but it keeps me sane. My studio seems to be so far away from harsh reality. It is where I make dreams come true, that is where I regain some control that I crave for. It is so incredibly comforting to know that in my studio I can think of things and make them reality, it is nice and predictable, which is exactly what I need when the rest of life seems very shaky indeed. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I chose to take it easy....sitting on the couch watching things like "Keeping Up Appearances", "One Foot in the Grave" (a particular favourite of mine), "Poirot" (I love my Agatha Christie DVD's) and Last of the Summer Wine, which I also adore. I choose not to watch the news, I choose to watch things that make me smile or make me happy. 

I grabbed my camera to take pictures of a new "girl" I ordered 5 months ago. She finally arrived last week....She is a pretty little thing and it was nice to handle my camera again. It is weird how you chuck all the things you love out of the window when something bad happens. You should probably do just the opposite now that I come to think of it...

This Bambicrony doll came with quite horrible eyes, but I had a few pairs of custom eyes made by Enchanted Doll Eyes and so she quickly turned into a gorgeous girly girl. It is amazing what a pair of good eyes will do for a doll like this...

Seek for the magic in everyday life and find happiness my friends

I appreciate you more than you might realise :)

Ellen

 

 

A little sweetie

Just in time for Easter I finished this little sweetheart. She has a wonderful home already waiting for her. I used a silk fabric and a very bright colour, which I am sure you are not used to from my studio, but I really enjoyed working on her.

She is called Rose

She is just 10 inches tall

The cutest girl and definitely the softest I ever made :)

I will be working full time next week, after that I will probably out of touch for periods of time due to family circumstances. I hope that working full time in this upcoming week will clear my desk completely. Life has been mad these past few weeks, like you get thrown into a roller coaster into the zone of horror and doom. I have hardly been home in the last 7 days. I will savour my time in the studio next week, you can take that from me. A few days of relative peace and quiet so we can refuel and prepare for the next round. As you know, I am not one to talk about family things in detail on my blog, it is not my story to tell, but if you can spare some prayers and positive thoughts for my dad and the rest of my family, I would really appreciate it.

Sheba

In spite of all the things going on in my life at the moment, I fortunately manage to spend some time in the studio as well, which is my o.k. time. Life is just the same as always there, which is soothing in a strange kind of way. Sheba is the latest bear I finished, he too has a new wonderful home waiting for him.

Sharai....

I just finished this new bear, who probably has a new mum waiting for him already. I really like this tipped Steiff-Schulte synthetic fabric. 

I have to beg you to be patient with me. Family circumstances are causing me to work less than my usual amount of hours. Work is progressing though, so please bear with me 

Pirouette, portrait in pink

This bear looked a bit flat in yesterday's pictures. The weather was glorious, the light in my attic studio was flooding in, but that can sometimes be enough to make colours appear a bit washed out. 

Soooooo, I took new pictures

Now I have to leave you again to finish my next bear...He needs a nose :)